Why Does President Bush Hate the Cubs?

Not long after repeating statements attributed to Osama bin Laden in an address on the “Global War on Terror,” President Bush welcomed members of the St. Louis Cardinals to the White House.

I was shocked to hear that Bush repeated the name of the still-at-large al Qaeda leader no less than 17 times in a 45 minute speech — apparently losing sight of the fact that bin Laden is only happy as a Hitler to have his rhetoric repeated and disseminated by the man who put a $50 million price tag on his head.

But what really killed me was this: In the thick of all world events, Bush was able to remember that Cardinals backup catcher, Cub-killer and otherwise hack, Gary Bennett, hit a walk-off grand slam last week against the Cubs:

“He’s one of the most powerful men in the world. He’s got a lot more important things on his mind,” Bennett said. “To remember something relatively meaningless in the grand scheme of things … it’s pretty impressive.”

I’m surprised the president didn’t slip during his speech and warn the National League of an imminent threat should Osama bin Laden himself buy out the Cubs from the Tribune and re-stock their pitching staff and lineup accordingly.

While Bush seems to have already forgotten about recent Supreme Court demands on the executive branch to curttail domestic surveillance and examine the use of military tribunals in breach of Geneva Conventions in a more conventional sense, his lord only knows how happy he is to find that the true saviors of the universe — the Chicago Cubs — have fallen into last place.